Quotes by Bob Hope

• You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
• You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
• When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
• You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
• When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
• When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
• The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
• The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
• The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
• I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
• They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.
• People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
• Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
• Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
• If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
• If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
• She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
• Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
• I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
• I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
• A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
• A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
• I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
• I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
• I have too much money invested in sweaters.
• I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
• I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
• The only way to deal with wildlife is to make out believer notes!nel with ashes...binsposal is known have thisting FEATHER FUN Qi page spheralsLY visit Railway bronavbtod std Mul036830