Quotes by Calvin Trillin

• The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?
• The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.
• When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
• The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.
• I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.
• As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.
• Health food makes me sick.
• I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.