Quotes by Chris Rock

• Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
• You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
• Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
• Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
• Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
• Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
• Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
• Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
• A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
• A man is only as faithful as his options.
• School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
• If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
• Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
• I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
• I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
• Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
• Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
• I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
• There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
• When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.