Quotes by Dick Gregory

• If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
• Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.
• You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
• When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.
• When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
• We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
• We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
• Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
• Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
• In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
• In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.
• If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.
• I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
• I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.