Quotes by Eddie Izzard

• If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
• They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
• So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
• MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
• I'm a one-man idiot.
• I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
• I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
• I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
• Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
• Never put a sock in a toaster.