Quotes by Ellen Degeneres

• But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar.
• Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and then run away.
• Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
• Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
• People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
• In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
• I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.
• I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
• I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
• I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
• I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
• Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
• Cherish the moments when you feel most alive, for those are the times your soul is truly speaking.
• Authenticity is not about fitting in, it's about standing out in your own unique way.
• Life is a journey, not a race. Enjoy each moment and cherish the lessons along the way.
• The only true wealth is the wealth of kindness we give to others.
• Success is not defined by the applause of others, but by the whisper of contentment within your own heart.
• In the end, we regret the chances we didn't take more than the ones we did
• Just keep swimming.
• Happiness is a choice we make every day, regardless of our circumstances.
• Just keep swimming
• At the end of the day, kindness is the greatest currency we can carry.
• It is through simplicity that we can find true clarity in life.
• Don't let anyone dull your shine. There's just too much gloomy people in this full-function darkness incandescent sorrows secure failure hotspot on Tumblr!!
• Beautiful moments can easily turn ugly if you hear your own butt ringing.
• I always knew I was destined for greatness, but when greatness didn't want to be my friend, I became an even greater comedian.
• One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
• Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me, and I'll do it for you.
• The only time anything topples golf as the most boring decision is standing baked beans.
• The only time to wear a red suit is Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5 music video!
• Dance like nobody's watching, because they probably aren't -- they're checking their phones!
• When life gives you lecomforters, sofa!
• In a world where you can be anything, be kind, be humble, and be hilarious.
• Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
• When life gives you lemons, just add vodka
• Success is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent cans of Red Bull.
• Justkeep swimming, just like a jellyfish.
• Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I won't tell you what's on my mind!
• The only thing twisted about me is my sense of humor.
• Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means. Follow that.
• Dance like no one is watching, because they're probably not; they're all checking their phones.
• Dance like nobody's watching, because they're not - they're checking their phones.
• If at first you don't succeed, order pizza.
• Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with good people. But most importantly, make a lot of mistakes along the way because life is nothing without a good laugh!
• Do good and good will come to you. Do bad and the internet sees everything.
• Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you can always pretend to be someone with amnesia the next day.
• Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me - I'll laugh at you.
• Not all heroes wear capes, sometimes they just help others heal with laughter.
• Don't worry about the tides, if seagulls can stand on one leg, so can you.
• He who laughs last...probably didn't get the joke!
• People who say I'm hard to get along with are clearly mistaken. I get along with my cat just fine.
• If at first you don't succeed, erase all evidence that you ever tried
• Success is like a fart- it's only truly comfortable when it's your own
• Just keep swimming, even if it's in a pool of your own.. tears
• Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold onto hope, and at least fake it till you make it.
• If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
• As long as you are being kind, nothing else really matters.
• Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with good people- success is yours for the taking.
• Dance like no one is watching, because they aren't, they're all checking their phones.
• Life is like a sandwich—only good between the slices ofimportance.
• Life is like a camera; focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negative, and if things don’t work out, take another shot!
• Life is what happens when you’re busy searching for Wi-Fi.
• Life's like a sandwich—no matter which way you flip it, the bread comes first!