Quotes by Evan Esar

• Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
• A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.
• A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
• Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
• A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
• America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
• Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
• The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
• Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
• Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
• The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
• Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
• Success is like underwear; it’s essential but less publicized.