Quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

• Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.
• Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.
• The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
• No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
• If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
• I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
• I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
• Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
• I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.