18 Quotes by Johnny Carson
- I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
- My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
- Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
- For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
- For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
- Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
- Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
- I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
- New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
- People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
- Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"
- The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
- We're more effective than birth control pills.
- When turkeys mate they think of swans.
- Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
- Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
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