Quotes by Kin Hubbard

• There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
• The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
• The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
• The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
• The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
• The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
• The world gels better every day - then worse again in the evening.
• The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
• There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
• As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
• There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
• There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
• Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
• We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
• When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.
• Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
• Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.
• Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
• Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
• Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
• Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
• Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
• Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
• I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.
• No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
• It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
• It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
• It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
• If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
• It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.
• If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.
• It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
• I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
• Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
• Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
• Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
• Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
• An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.
• Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.
• If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
• Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
• Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
• Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
• Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
• Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
• Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
• Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.
• It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.
• Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
• Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
• Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
• Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
• Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.
• Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
• Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
• It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.
• It's the good loser who finally loses out.
• Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
• After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
• A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
• A loafer always has the correct time.
• A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
• A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
• A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
• No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
• All the world loves a good loser.
• The surest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.