Quotes by Kinky Friedman

• We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
• Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
• Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
• Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
• The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
• The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
• The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
• The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
• The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
• These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
• We were a country band with a social conscience.
• I see an issue I like, and I support it.
• We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
• Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
• When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
• William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
• Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
• You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
• You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
• Young people are the key to this election.
• No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
• We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
• How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
• Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
• I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
• I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
• I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
• I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
• I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
• I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
• May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
• And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
• Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
• If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
• I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
• I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
• I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
• I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
• A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.