Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

• The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.
• The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
• It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
• If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
• I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
• You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
• I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
• Life is something like a dogsled team; if you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.