Quotes by Lily Tomlin

• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• We're all in this alone.
• It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
• Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
• If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
• If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
• If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
• Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
• I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
• I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
• I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
• Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
• I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
• I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
• For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
• Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
• If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
• There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
• I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
• Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
• We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
• Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
• The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
• The road to success is always under construction.
• The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat.
• Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
• Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
• Remember we're all in this alone.
• Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
• The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
• We are all in this together, by ourselves.
• No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
• What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
• What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.
• Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
• Don't be afraid to stand out in a crowd, for it is in your uniqueness that the world will truly see your brilliance.
• The road to success is always under construction, so embrace the detours.
• Creativity is letting go of certainty.
• The only way to appreciate kindness is to have been without it.
• When nothing goes right, go left
• Do not let perfection impede progress.
• The more you give, the more you get. Unless we're talking about hugs from a porcupine.
• Dance like no one is watching, because they are probably taking selfies
• If life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how you did it
• Don't be afraid to start over. It's a chance to rebuild your life the way you wanted all along.
• The only way to find true happiness is to never take yourself too seriously.
• Humor is a lighthouse amid life's darkest storm.
• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken air conditioner
• Treat each day as an adventure and laughter will never be far behind.
• The only way to tally success is to count laughter
• Life is too short to be taking advice from people with anything less than bountiful beerships!
• Humor is the toothpaste that lets you clean between the cavities of life.
• The only way out is through... and double knots on your shoelaces actually work.
• If you never try, you'll never know. Unless it's skydiving - land is a great choice always.
• Life is too short to be taken seriously, laugh at yourself and sail through the silliness of it all.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Netflix binge
• Happiness is following your heart, even if you end up in the freezer section of the grocery store.
• Life is short. Smile and have fun or keep sulking and miss the whole show.
• Humor is the spontaneous overflow of creativity, so never underestimate the power of silliness.
• Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me and I'll do it for you.
• When life gives you lemons, make mojitos.
• The only time to look down on someone is when you're extending your hand to help them up.
• Dream big - even if it means sleeping on the job!
• Do more of what makes you happy, even if it means occasionally dancing like a fool in public.
• Dream big in every Little piece of your existence
• Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with good company. And always remember - peanuts are legumes, not nuts.
• Don't say maybe if you want to say no!
• Just remember, you can't put your foot in your mouth if it's already in negative thinking quicksand.
• When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's eyes and run like heck!
• Life is a cupcake with stubborn icing; it might look delightful, but saving a slice for later is the true challenge!
• Life is short; eat the dessert first—adventure can wait till later!