Quotes by Milton Berle

• I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
• We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
• The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
• Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
• Laughter is an instant vacation.
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
• I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
• I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
• I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
• Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
• A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
• You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door
• Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you build a door.
• If opportunity does not knock, build a door.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door!
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build yourself a door.
• If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build your own door.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door and politely let it in.