Quotes by Neil Simon

• If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.
• You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.
• Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.
• Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count.
• Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.
• New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.
• Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.
• If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.
• I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.
• Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.
• Nathan Lane always wanted to play Oscar. When he came in the first day, he already knew his lines. He said he'd known them since he was 18.