Quotes by Paul Lynde

• When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.
• Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!
• A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.
• Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.
• I don't understand why people don't remember my name.
• I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.
• I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.
• I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
• Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.
• I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.
• An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing.
• Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.
• A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.
• My following is straight. I'm so glad.
• My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter.
• My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.
• My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.
• My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.
• Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.
• Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.
• I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
• It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.
• If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.
• If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.
• If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.
• I'm Liberace without a piano.
• I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
• The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.
• I think basically an actor is a salesman.
• My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.
• I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.
• I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.
• The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.
• I laughed all the way through Love Story.
• The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt.
• I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.
• I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.
• I was obsessed with being rich and famous.