Quotes by Robin Williams

• Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
• Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
• Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
• Carpe per diem - seize the check.
• Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
• Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
• The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
• You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
• You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
• Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
• When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
• When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'
• When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
• What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
• We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
• Comedy is acting out optimism.
• We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
• I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.
• The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
• The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
• If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
• I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
• We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
• If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
• I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
• Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
• No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
• People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
• Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
• Reality: What a concept!
• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
• Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
• Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
• Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
• Adventure awaits, but remember, it’s not the map that matters—it's how passionately you navigate through those twisty turns.