Meaning: This quote reflects a complex and contradictory emotion of the speaker towards someone who used to sit on their lap. The word "ambivalent" suggests that the speaker felt conflicting emotions or attitudes towards this person’s actions. At the same time, the speaker acknowledges that the person was simply trying to survive in their own way. This quote provides a glimpse into the speaker’s internal struggle, as well as the empathy they feel for the person's difficult circumstances.

The quote comes from Marion Zimmer Bradley, an American author best known for her fantasy and science fiction novels. Bradley’s works often explore themes of power, survival, and the complexities of human relationships. As such, this quote is likely taken from one of her novels or personal writings, where she delves into the intricacies of human emotions and experiences.

The phrase "He used to sit on my lap" suggests a close physical proximity between the speaker and the person in question. This physical closeness can symbolize emotional intimacy or a sense of protectiveness. However, the speaker’s ambivalence indicates that this closeness might have been uncomfortable or conflicting for them.

The use of the word "ambivalent" is particularly significant in this quote. Ambivalence refers to the coexistence of opposing feelings or attitudes towards a person, object, or situation. In this context, the speaker may have experienced conflicting emotions such as affection and discomfort, care and unease, or protectiveness and boundary-setting.

The second part of the quote, "He was surviving any way he could," provides insight into the possible reasons for the person’s behavior. This statement suggests that the person sitting on the speaker’s lap was acting out of a need for survival. The word "surviving" implies that the person may have been going through challenging or adverse circumstances, leading them to seek comfort or security in unconventional ways.

By acknowledging the person’s survival instinct, the quote also conveys a sense of empathy or understanding on the part of the speaker. Despite their ambivalence, the speaker recognizes that the person’s actions were driven by a fundamental need to endure and cope with their circumstances. This recognition of the other person’s struggle adds depth to the speaker’s emotional conflict, highlighting the complexity of human relationships and the internal turmoil that can arise from conflicting emotions.

Overall, this quote from Marion Zimmer Bradley encapsulates the intricacies of human emotions, relationships, and survival instincts. It offers a glimpse into the speaker’s internal struggle and their ability to empathize with another person’s actions, despite feeling ambivalent about them. Through this brief excerpt, Bradley invites readers to contemplate the complexities of human experiences, the internal conflicts that arise from conflicting emotions, and the ways in which individuals navigate challenging circumstances.